Bread and Fish

I became pregnant when my first son was barely over a year old. I was happy to be
pregnant again and looking forward to the new baby, but at the same time I was
concerned that I would never love another child as much as I loved my young son. The
feelings I had encountered during my first year of motherhood were unlike anything ever known. How could I have those feelings again for a second child? I found comfort
in an unlikely scripture. Since I was very young I had known the strange story about
Jesus taking the lunch of one boy and feeding thousands of people. The moral of the
story usually centered around the importance of sharing our food, and this is indeed a
lesson I continually need to learn. However, the story spoke to me anew as I considered
my unborn child and worried about my own capacity for love. I realized that all I could
offer were my own five loaves of bread and two fish. So I offer them to the savior and
ask him to miraculously feed thousands. I offer my limited capacity for love – the heart
of an all too imperfect mother – and ask God to multiply my offering so much that this
brand new human being can be born into and live in love. Just like the boy couldn’t
imagine his small lunch feeding a crowd of five thousand, neither could I imagine having
enough love for these two young children. But God is in the business of making
something out of nothing; God takes our offerings, no matter how small, and amazes us.